


One for Sorrow, Two for Mirth

by paperxcrowns



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Red Robin (Comics)
Genre: Accidental Bonding, Angst, Canon Temporary Character Death, Canon-Typical Violence, Existentialism, Mentions of Death, No Plot/Plotless, Tim Drake Has Mental Health Issues, but not necessarily the happiest either, i would too if all my friends and family died, idk what to really tag this, introspection about death, no actual death, not a sad ending, surprisingly candid talk about death, this is basically me writing out my current existential feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:42:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29218938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperxcrowns/pseuds/paperxcrowns
Summary: Tim and Jason are captured during patrol and have a chat about death while waiting for Batman and the others to rescue them.
Relationships: Tim Drake & Jason Todd
Comments: 6
Kudos: 150





	One for Sorrow, Two for Mirth

**Author's Note:**

> i was in a mood when i wrote this can you tell?

The day had started badly, so Tim wasn’t sure why he’d expected it to get any better.

Maybe luring himself into that false sense of security had made him drop his guard a little and it was what had gotten him and Jason captured. 

Or maybe he was distracted because he hadn’t really been feeling good all day. He was just in a mood, having a day, feeling the weight of the world crushing his chest and lungs and making it hard to breathe. 

The room they were in was wide and dark, with only a square window near the ceiling just a few inches to the right of Jason’s head. And even that didn’t produce much light, barely catching the light of a streetlamp. It was still better than nothing. 

“You were supposed to take care of the guys _outside,_ Replacement,” Jason growled from the opposite side of the room, chained to the wall exactly like Tim. 

But there had been more than either of them had anticipated. All it had taken for Tim to be completely incapacitated was one of the men shoving a cattle prod between his ribs. Four times. 

“There were too many,” he said, turning his head away. Jason’s helmet had been taken, and he couldn’t stand the look Jason was shooting him. “I got overpowered.”

They might die here.

What a way to die, really. As a vigilante, on a mission. No one would know it was Tim Drake-Wayne. It would be like Jason’s death. He’d gone missing, kidnapped, for a ransom, then killed when the money didn’t arrive. At least Jason’s body was recovered. Tim’s wouldn’t, if the authorities found a dead Red Robin and Red Hood before Batman.

“What does it feel like?” he asked softly.

Jason’s head snapped up and the white slits in the domino narrowed. “What?” he asked snappishly.

“Dying,” Tim replied. He wasn’t exactly calm. Maybe resigned was a better word. He’d already gone through this so many times while searching for Bruce that the prospect of dying didn’t really faze him anymore.

Jason froze. “What the fuck?” he whispered. “What the _fuck,_ Replacement?”

Tim shrugged. “There’s a chance we could die here,” he said. “There’s a chance we could die every time we go out. I know that. I just want to know--” 

His mom. His dad. Gone. Dead. Even Dana had died when Blüdhaven blew up. Tim hadn’t expected that one to hurt as much as it did. Kon had died and come back. So had Bart. Z and Owens had died and were no coming back.

“I want to know if it hurts,” he said. 

Jason glared, then his expression slowly blanked over, like wiping a whiteboard clean. He was quiet for a long time. Long enough that Tim started to doubt he’d get an answer.

“No,” Jason finally said. “Not for me, at least. The beating and the explosion hurt, but dying didn’t. It was a relief, in a way. Like fallin’ asleep. The pain wouldn’t be there anymore, y’know? So I just… stopped fighting it. Let it happen.”

Tim definitely did. There had been probably too many times he’d almost let himself give up, because he didn’t have anything or anyone to fight for. Everyone would have just gotten over it. Now, he liked to think that he would be missed in death.

“They didn’t die in pain,” he mumbled, glancing down. “That’s--”

Good wasn’t the word. Relieving? None of his friends had died in pain. 

“Might be different for everyone,” Jason said. “I don’t know who the hell you’re talking about, but I doubt they were beaten with a crowbar long enough to feel all the bones in their arms and legs break. Over and over. Dying was my escape from that, I don’t know ‘bout everyone else.”

Jason tugged at the chains fruitlessly. Tim’s own wrists were rubbed raw from where he’d tried to shimmy around to pick the lock. He’d given up an hour ago. Jason’s reputation must have preceded him because he was wrapped in multiple chains and rope, arms pulled taut over his head and attached to a chain that hung from the ceiling. Tim felt a little offended that all they’d bothered with was just tying his arms above his head. 

“That sucks,” Tim said, not really knowing what else to say. 

Jason snorted. “Wow, okay. You know what, yeah, it sucked. Could think of a few better words, but generally yes, being undead fucking sucks.”

“Hey, cut me some slack, I’m not all there at the moment.”

“Well, shit then, why the hell’d you come with me on patrol? Don’t you think I have things to do?”

Tim opened his mouth to spit out a retort that he couldn’t think of. He was quiet for a while. Tim stared at the thin orange streak the weak streetlight cast through the window.

“The scariest part is the not knowing,” Jason broke the gaping silence several long minutes later. “I mean, for me, it wasn’t that scary at that moment, since whatever was on the other side was better than what was on my side, but I remember the feeling of dread at the thought of dying. It’s terrifying, to fall into something you don’t know. There’s no way to know if you’ll hate it, and you’ll have to deal with it for eternity.”

Tim was quiet. He still didn’t look Jason’s way.

“What’s on the other side?” he asked quietly.

“I don’t know. I don’t remember. Kinda glad I don’t, actually. I don’t think we should know what’s on the other side ‘til we get there. ‘S not for them to know.” He stopped talking. “Woulda liked to see my mom, though. Or remember seeing her.”

“Catherine?” he asked, already knowing the answer to that question. 

He finally looked at Jason and saw him attempt a shrug. 

“I don’t think I’d like to see my parents,” Tim said. “Maybe to say goodbye properly. I’d like to see Dana, though. She was always nicer to me than Dad. And Z and Owens.”

Jasons scoffed. “I don’t know what the hell is going on with you and why the hell you chose this specific moment to have an existential crisis, but I’m telling Dick.”

Tim’s head shot up. “I’m _fine.”_

Jason raised an eyebrow. “That’s not gonna stop me. We’re booking you a nice long chat with Dinah.”

“I have _other--”_

Tim’s statement was interrupted by the sound of shattering glass and gunfire peppered by frantic shouts.

A sly smirk slithered on Jason’s face. “The cavalry’s here,” he said. 

There was the sound of fighting on the other side and Tim tugged at the chains again, antsy to finally get out of here. 

Finally, someone started banging on the door once, twice, and the lock broke on the third time. The metal door slammed harshly into the concrete wall, cracking it. The door was located on the wall Tim was tied to, so he couldn’t see who had broken down the door until they stepped inside.

“Red Hood,” Nightwing’s voice said, and he stepped in the room and into Tim’s line of sight.

Jason grinned. “Took you long enough. It’s been four hours, Dickface.”

“Nevermind that, where’s--” he turned around and spotted Tim and his shoulders slumped in relief. “Oh, thank God.”

Jason grumbled something under his breath, then spoke louder. “Just get us out of here before my butt goes numb.”

Dick leaned back through the doorway. “Spoiler! They’re in here!”

“D’you need help?” she hollered back. 

Dick glanced at Tim and let his gaze linger on Jason. 

“Yeah,” he said. “I definitely do.”

“Oh fuck you, they just know I’m a threat,” Jason snapped. “I literally didn’t do anything.”

Dick cleared his throat and forced a smile away. “I didn’t say anything.”

“I know you were thinking it, Dickinson.”

“What’s the sitch?” Steph asked, just out of sight no matter how Tim craned his neck. She let out a low whistle. “Oh. I see.”

Tim could hear the smile in her voice as she saw Jason’s situation.

“I literally didn’t do _anything!”_ Jason snapped.

Tim laughed. Steph stepped inside the room.

“Oh, there you are. I was wondering if you were in here.”

“Hi Spoiler,” Tim said.

“Oh, don’t you start. I’m still dragging your stupid ass to Dinah.”

Dick made a beeline for Jason and Steph crouched in front of Tim and started picking the lock.

“Why are we taking Red to Dinah?” Dick asked.

Steph unlocked Tim’s cuffs and immediately went over to Jason to help Dick. Tim winced as blood started flowing back into his stiff arms, like broken glass in his veins. 

“That doesn’t matter,” Tim said, cutting Jason off before he started talking. “I’m fine _now.”_

“But you weren’t ten minutes ago.”

“And?”

“Both of you, stop it,” Steph interrupted. “Jason, I will leave you here.”

Tim stood up on stiff legs, just waiting for the pins and needles. “I’ll be fine,” he insisted. 

Dick sighed. “How about we watch a movie instead?” he proposed. “Damian mentioned he’s never seen Lilo and Stitch.”

Jason paused. 

“An acceptable truce.”

Tim tried to take a step and hissed. Fucking pins and needles.

“I need a movie,” he said. “And pizza. For the love of God, I need fucking pizza.”

Dick and Steph laughed. 

Pizza and sleep and Tim would be right as rain. 

**Author's Note:**

> [you can come say hi on tumblr :)](https://blas-ph-emy.tumblr.com/)


End file.
